when feelings mix =S

Let the tears begin. why? i don't know. it just came out of nowhere.things something made me sad.My studies is getting worst. and my parents said that they will change me to another school if my result this year end is bad.

they never understand me.there are so many other students that lack on sem 1. it's normal. i will try harder. but please, give me space to breath. do they give me anything? nothing. when i step my feet on the house, my parents will say that i ruined their life and what so ever. am i really a troublemaker? i can't cry in front of them. i never cry in front of anyone. i cry alone. in a room, ALONE. they don't care about me, and now? they want to choose my way of life.

i know, no one heard of parents dislike their children. but this is my life. believe me,it's me.sometimes, when i flashback my mind. my life is promblematic. since i was a small girl, i don't feel like a SMALL girl. they don't give me space to breath. i'm begging. i need space. until now, they still control my life. it's not exactly control my life, but they want me to do what they want.

i don't really care about that. but please, even if you both don't like me, please act like you love me. i know i'm not BIJAK like my sisters. i know i'm the worst among all. but is it just because of that? you both dislike me? am i that worst? after months i leave the house, i came back. i want a warm welcome. but what did i get? bad words from my own parents.

if you were me, you will understand. i love my parents, but do they love me? in this world, they say : all parents love their children. but, not my parents. yes, they love all their children, except me.

my thoughts, i think i should just be one of the helpers. it's better rather than crying in own house. next time i don't want to go back. they don't care about me, so, should i make them hate me more? it's better to make them forget about me. they don't even want to see me. it's ok,

if they don't love me, they hate me, it's ok. but please, don't show your hateness. i know i'm not BIJAK. they went to overseas, and so on. it's ok. that's all.

i'm don't like to tell anyone my problems. i'm just expressing my feelings here. i just keep it to myself. but it's too hard. thank you for reading.

p/s : Let the tears begin the flow from the first word till end .

i love you,
Faai.